BRING IT!

Weigh-in is on April 1st! I'm not nervous...even though I've been eating really bad lately! People are now saying that I've lost a tonne of weight. That could be because I've been wearing more form fitting clothing. I've lost about 1.5 to 2" all over. Doesn't seem like much to me. My stomach and arms are on my hit list come April 1st.

April 1st will be a good day! I will see 140 something. Regardless of what I'm eating now! And even more important, I'm getting my much awaited body wrap at noon on the first! After a kick butt workout of course.

Body Wrap provided by Som Visao, Vancouver-Canada www.somvisao.com

I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO SCALE!!

I will however avoid it until March 31st! I will probably go the the Y that morning and do my last official weigh in. I only need to see under 150. After this week and my intense running and weight training I think I'm at 149 at least (okay maybe 150.4) but I'm not ruining this idea by stepping on that scale! I know I ate some cookies, had a BK combo and DQ ice cream cone but I also ran 60-75 minutes and did weights everyday! The day I ate the BK combo I calculated that I still burned 1000 more calories than I ate on that day! Now put in the fact that I've eating a few chewy oatmeal cookies more than I should have on thursday night, I should at least break even this week (151.6) or be below.

Now with me not eating more than 1600 calories per day with burning 800 calories per day I should see 144 by April 11th (in 3 weeks).

It's basic math. I'm done the diet thing at month's end so I will just trust this basic formula to bring me to my goal. Next weigh in is on the 31st and after that April 11th.

After that how my clothes fit will be the judge of how fit I am. I also feel great that my only problem area is now my stomach. I don't need abs I just need it to stop hanging over my pants. That can be taken care of though with consistent core work and a diet change. I've kicked my 5 slices of bread per day habit (for now) and increased my beans and greens. I'm still aiming for a 27" waist soon.

NOTES:

• I will not substitute my cookie addiction for canned fruits! Like pineapples
• Found a new site and it's Canadian www.tinytrim.blogspot.com

CAN'T WAIT TO BE...

FREE!

No more diet journals, feeling guilty for eating, excessive purging, compulsive weigh-ins, counting calories or talking about diets or what I crave. No more comparing myself to others, wanting to be someone other than me or not being grateful for my body. No more forcing things to fit or adding to my motivation pile.

Also no more eating whatever I crave when I crave it. No more losing control over me. No more eating because I'm bored, stressed, sad etc. No more eating fast food often or dining out and overeating. No more finishing whole cakes or boxes of cookies.

There will be more activities, exercise, confidence and gratefulness. More greens, beans and all other healthy things.

Regardless if I hit 37-27-40 by April 1, and most likely before I'm 144, I will be FREE.

CURRENT STATS:

size: S and M tops, 6 and 8 bottoms (ok, just on pair of size 6 trousers from H&M!)

weight: approx. below 155 (haven't weighed in properly since last week when I was 151.8)

Current and Future Health Plan:

Eating 1600cals and exercising daily (running 5-10k and intense weight training) 1-2hours a day

Milestones:

March 31 2009 -One year below 180lbs

June 1 2009 -One year below 170lbs

Total Loss:

43lbs!!!

Read my previous entries to see my journey thus far. I didn't write personal updates for about six month (June 2008 - Jan 2009). Coincidentally during that time I didn't really lose weight. I bounce around from 162 to 172 but usually saw 167. Since I begun writing again I've steadily dropped and have increased my endurance and now run 75 minutes! Not often though, I usually stick to 60 minutes.

I can't wait 'til the end of the month

I'm gonna start acting like I'm in the 140's from now. I'm in the market for a new motivation or maybe inspiration, like a body that I would like to achieve. I am kind of procrastinating on my lunch time workout to write this but I may as well do something good while I stall.

I used to have a pic of a Spanish actress, I don't remember her name but her body (like most of the other Latina actresses) was banging. Like my Weight Watchers scale (which went back to walmart within a week) said my body fat was 31.7 give or take 0.1 or so through out last week and I now know I probably won't go down to no 15% (even though I swear back in 2001 it was like 11% when I was 155lbs). With all that being considered I have to be careful who I use to inspire me. Plus I do have curves which bring up the obvious inspirations like Beyonce, J-Lo, Tyra, Janet etc. But at the same time I feel like I have a more svelte and muscular physique like Fergie or Jessica Biel. Oh the choices...all of those ladies have a beautiful body though. But I want to choose one to emulate as I strive to be in beach ready mode by May for a beautiful beach wedding to which I am the only bridesmaid!

Soooo the winner of the I WANT HER BODY contest is....

Yes, that's kim kardashian and while i'm not a fan of anything else she does, she does have a great and curvy body. She says she weighs 120 but I'm not buying that- maybe 130 or a bit more because she is only 5"2. Her measurements are 35-26-40 and mine right now are 37.5-29-42. I have 2 inches on her though so I will look a bit more lean...I think...

As for the fact that I'm more athletic than her...well I don't think I will be walking around as svelte as Fergie anytime soon but who knows...I am a runner now!

Running Update: I dunno if I wrote about this but I run (yes run at 10kms/hr sometimes) 6 days a week and 60 minutes for two of those days and 30-45 on the the other days. Now compared to Katy from http://www.katycraker.blogspot.com/ I'm an amateur but I will work my way up to the 14 miles that she does!

P.S. I got a subscription to SHAPE...I wanted SELF but SHAPE was half the price! Can't weight to get my first issue!

IT'S NOT A CHEAT...

IT'S A TREAT.

That's the new mentality I have to have seeing as in 20 days or so I will never be on a diet again! I had a whopper combo tonight...at 10pm! No biggie. I think I will go until the 31st without weighing myself too! It is what it is at this point. I know how and when to eat and I will just being using my common sense to make things work. I mean my friend said this to me the other day and it's sticking, "I don't give myself enough credit." I don't.

It been almost a year since I've pretty much been under 170. That's a first since like 2001 but yet I'm desperately chasing to see a number that may not be in the cards for me. I'm not saying that I can't do it if I put my mind to it, I'm just saying...is it worth it?

I wanna get into the 140's so that even when I fall off the wagon I don't have to worry about seeing the 160's. I know I will get there eventually but is it worth me forsaking EVERY socializing event in the meanwhile.

No one truly understands how it feels to live with the fear of putting back on weight. I wonder how Ricky Lake feels...she's now around 124, way below the 260 she used to be. Does she remember how big she used to be? And does she worry about going back.

My friend told me this today though, "Oprah says that you should thank God everyday for the body that you have--and it's so true." Thank goodness for great friends that can support you when you have a diet related melt down...

I need to be grateful...I have come a long way and I need to just think of me being me now and not worry about how I (my body too) will be in the future!

I'm not saying that I'm done..

I'm just gonna take my time!

Sounds like a cop out but after seeing 161 on the scale six days ago, I truly began to understand how fickle this weight loss thing is. I now see 150 something again...but it's still alarming.

I just have to realize that slow and steady wins the race. So i think I will be grateful if I see 150 by the 31st! That's all I want! Seeing 144 eventually will be hot but after being 157 then 153 then up to 161 and back to 155 in just a couple of weeks, I realize that the number isn't everything.

I went to a former p/t retail work place of mine, Reitman's, last week. Back in 2000 my cousin had to surgically remove me from a pair of size 11 jeans and last summer even after losing 30lbs I was still an 11, but on Friday I was fitting into size 7's there! That was my goal..to be a 7/8. At Jacob I was a size 6 in a dress but in two different styled pants I squeezed into a 6 and an 8. The sizing game is just as fickle as the scale game so I will not let those numbers get to me either.

So now that I only have 5lbs to do in 3 weeks I feel much better. It's completely obtainable. But don't get it twisted, I will be 144lbs soon! Definitely before my trip to Jamaica! Can you say "two piece!"

Update on my quest to 144

So it's the 1st of the 3rd month of the year. I started this year with a mind to reach 144 by February 18th....for nostalgic reasons. By mid-January I clearly saw the error in my judgement and pushed the date to March 31 ,2009. On March 31 last year I had started a new position at a publishing company. I weighed 186-ish. It was when I started there that I become serious. Three months later I was 166.

Now I am approx 153. I have to weigh my self this week. My tracking chart has me saying that I should be 150.5 this week. I have 31 days to make to 144 and even if I don't, this is the end of my dieting.

And no I'm not doing that whole "it's a life change" thing. I'm ending the insanity that dieting for a decade has caused. I am admitting that even now, at the smallest I've ever been, I'm not satisfied. I am yearning to be a size that is not even possible for someone of my body type and athleticism. I don't know how to explain it. My good friend, NG, brought up the fact that we need to end this thing...always dieting, talking about dieting or binging. We need to get ourselves in check. I'm 40 some odd pounds lighter and I still have issues. It's like a never ending thing for me....

Right now what makes me wanna end it is because I want to shop for some clothes that compliment my new body and make me look trendy. Kind of like the clothes that I dress my NVM up in. Funny enough I work p/t at H&M and that's what my NVM is wearing but still I haven't really shopped there. Now I don't wanna be H&M from head to toe but I do wanna look chic and swimming in my former size 12's is not making the cut.

Now I might not be able to wear size 8's all around, but whatever size I am at midnight April 1, 2009 is what I am shopping for. My measurements haven't really changed in February but I am going to try my best to be at my goal of 37-27-39. That's a loss of 2 inches all over. I will do it!

So just to say it again....at midnight April 1 I am done done done with dieting, talking about dieting or planning my diet. I will probably plan my workouts and make sure I am putting proper nutrients into my body but I will be done trying to become a size that was probably not meant for me! I used to be almost 200. I will be under 150 and be satisfied!

Special love and kisses to my new friends in Vancouver who always tell me how great I look! And to the gym in my building for making it impossible for me to make excuses when it comes to working out...

My full thank you list is to come...including a shout out to the haters that said I couldn't do it!